Fuck Snipers | RP vs. Dagvald Riddik

Life has been treating Lil Petey very well lately. The new Call of Duty came out so he’s been grinding that a lot. He’s only broken one controller and almost threw another at his TV. Thankfully for him, he didn’t do it, but to each their own. He’s actually playing Call of Duty right now which is where we’re fading in to. Petey is sitting in his black and blue gaming chair in front of the forty three inch Smart TV that he recently bought for his room in The Hip House. The map is Miami and he currently has twelve kills and 6 deaths a few minutes in. It’s just a normal Team Deathmatch round which he usually does well in. Looks like Petey is level thirty-one and still using the M16 with the MP5 as his secondary. He just spawns in and turns a corner to get sniped right in the dome.

LIL PETEY: You have got to be kidding me!

He starts pressing buttons rapidly as if that’ll spawn him in quicker. Just like most people, he’s hell bent on killing that sniper now. He spawns in after watching the kill cam where the sniper was already zoomed in on him as he turned the corner.

LIL PETEY: How did he know I was going to be there?!

After spawning, he walks through a building while crouched. Petey notices the sniper in front of him and drills him in the head with his MP5.

LIL PETEY: Eat a dick.

The rest of the game went in his favor pretty well. Petey had back-to-back deaths right after the sniper kill, then didn’t die the rest of the time. When the game finished, the scoreboard showed twenty-two kills, nine deaths, two assists. Petey’s door opens suddenly with Barry Johnson flying into the room.

BARRY JOHNSON: Are you done yet? You realize the show is in a few days, right? And you have to prepare… because you have a match…

LIL PETEY: Wait, what? When did this happen?

BARRY JOHNSON: Hold on. You’re telling me you didn’t know that you had a match?

LIL PETEY: No, when the card was announced, I was just ringside with the others in the Big Drip while they fight in that Tag Tournament.

BARRY JOHNSON: Didn’t someone reach out to you?

Petey unlocks his phone and checks his messages. He has an unread text from Barry and when he opens it, it reads, ‘You got a tough match this show. We need to get you in the gym so you don’t look like a total ass.’ He places his phone back on the stand next to him and then looks directly back at the game.

LIL PETEY: Nope. Didn’t see anything.

BARRY JOHNSON: Dude, I literally just saw you open my text that you hadn’t even looked at yet.

LIL PETEY: Okay, so I saw it… I just didn’t open it…

BARRY JOHNSON: Now you’re admitting to ignoring your manager.

LIL PETEY: I’m just trying to keep my K/D up right now.

BARRY JOHNSON: You should be focused on this match especially since it’s before the tag match later on. This dude is big and could snap you in half like a twig.

LIL PETEY: Which means he could do worse to you, so do you plan to be ringside with me?

BJ stops talking and just looks at Petey with an irritated reaction.

LIL PETEY: I figured so. What could I possibly do to get better by the time the show starts? Why do you think I’m not in the Big Drip tag match? They’re better with me by their side than in the ring.

BARRY JOHNSON: You’re 0 and 5 since joining here, don’t you want to get at least one win?

LIL PETEY: I told you before that I don’t even want to wrestle. I’m a rapper, not a wrestler.

BJ pauses for a second and takes a deep breath.

BARRY JOHNSON: While you’re working on your rap career, you should put some focus on this also. You see the new system you got? New TV? New phone? The Hip House? That’s not from your rap money, this is from wrestling and the time you’ve spent in the music department. Along with TJ and Sauce. You have to stop slacking and start putting in some work until your music career lifts off.

Petey just stares at the TV screen with a blank look. He clicks his controller to start another game. BJ just scoffs and starts to walk out of the ring.

LIL PETEY: Fine. We’ll head to the gym. I’m just going to play one more to get this last skin, then I’ll train.

Instead of looking back, BJ exits the room. Petey starts his next game of TDM and ends up quitting early because he was getting frustrated after the talk with BJ. After he turns off the console, Petey grabs his gym bag, throws his shoes on and also exits the room. The camera cuts out right after.


Petey wasn’t very happy to be in the gym. He’s lived a life outside of it for so long and hates when he has to go. Currently, he’s in the ring working on some counter moves with his trainer with BJ at ringside just watching and playing on his phone. Petey successfully counters a move and BJ gets excited.

BARRY JOHNSON: That’s how you do it, Petey! Let’s go!

Some more time passes and Petey just finished connecting his Running High Knee that he calls the ‘Drive By’. Immediately following the move, he grabs a hold of the trainer’s arm and locks in the Fujiwara Armbar, which he calls ‘Pillow Talk’. The trainer taps and BJ starts clapping for Petey.

BARRY JOHNSON: There you go. If that was someone on the roster, you just got your first win.

Petey gets back up after the submission and leans against the ropes.

LIL PETEY: BJ, bro… This mess is killing me. My body is formed to be lazy and make music, not be active and running around a wrestling ring. You see the people in Project: Honor? These people are massive. Why’d you get me into this?!

BARRY JOHNSON: Ask yourself if you’re better off now than you were before. Then you’ll have your answer.

LIL PETEY: Are you on something right now? You’re acting hella different.

BARRY JOHNSON: I just want you to succeed. We’ve been doing this for many years now and you have a chance to do something here.

Petey releases a deep sigh.

LIL PETEY: Wrestling isn’t for me, but entertaining is… so I’ll continue to give this a shot. You want me to succeed? Imma put on a show, win or lose.

BARRY JOHNSON: I guess I’ll take that for now.

LIL PETEY: By the way… Where has Jah been? I haven’t seen him since moving into The Hip House.

BJ places his hand on his face and shakes his head.

BARRY JOHNSON: Why don’t you ask him? Aren’t y’all best friends?

LIL PETEY: Fine, I’ll text him later. What’s next anyways? Aren’t I supposed to address the match or something?

BARRY JOHNSON: You’ve had how many matches and still don’t know how things work? Where did I go wrong?

LIL PETEY: Signing me up for this.

BARRY JOHNSON: Yes, you address the match.

LIL PETEY: Alright, well I will shower and then do that. I would like to do that alone, though. I’m shy.


The scene fades back in to show Lil Petey tying his shoes in the locker room.

“I guess I’m supposed to talk to everyone now about this match I’m about to have but I honestly don’t have much to say. You all know me as the joke in wrestling who gets pummeled right to the ground every match. Well, as all you know, my primary objective in life is to get my rap career going. I think that the collab with Yung Sauce might push us both closer to that goal, but for now, BJ is wanting me to focus more on wrestling. Don’t you worry your pretty little faces, I’m still part of the Music Department, so you best believe that we’ll have some fresh tunes around here.

I’m not really sure how this works or how long I’m supposed to talk, but moving along… Most of you know my team Big Drip Productions now and how TJ and Sauce are in the Tag Tourney match. I’m not in it for obvious reasons, but I still plan to be ringside with them cheering them on! Zane’s shaken up after being kidnapped, scary stuff, and MYOJIN has been focused on Colton and getting his vengeance or whatever, so things look good for The Hip House. Looking forward to spending some time with the boys and creating some memories. Maybe having TJ around will bring more hip to mine and Sauce’s rap careers.

Okay, so my match this week is against this new guy, but he’s pretty big. Like he’s got the muscles and all that stuff. Here I am wondering how I’m still this skinny with how much shit I eat. I’m not kidding either, before this I ate like a whole thing of Oreo’s without even thinking about it. Most people gotta work out like this Dagvald dude, me on the otherhand, I just have to open up a thing of Oreo’s and sit my happy ass in my chair making music or playing games. Man, that’s the life. Oh yeah, back to the match. Was I supposed to do research on the guy prior to this? That’s too much work. I can’t just show up and do my thing?”

The cameraman pushes out a fake cough and chuckles a bit.

“Hey, your job is to hold the camera and get my good angles. If I wanted your two cents I would’ve gotten you drunk like the last one. Isn’t Dagvald one of those viking dudes that joined? Or is that someone else? Man, I can’t keep up with all these new people showing up. There’s been so many lately! In all seriousness, I know nothing about Dag and I really don’t need to. Maybe next time I’ll meet my opponent prior and get to know them and then use it during times like this to talk about them behind their back! I should really have someone teach me how to do this. You know what? I think we’re done here. I’m just rambling at this point. Unless y’all wanna hear me drop a few bars? I actually have something I’ve been--”

The camera cuts out in the middle of Petey talking and never comes back on.